I saw "The Passion"

We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.

I went to a 10:00pm showing of "The Passion" last night. I went with one of my sons. I had pre-ordered tickets over the web which was good, because the 10:00pm movie was sold out when we arrived at the theatre.

It is not difficult, nor am I ashamed to admit that my eyes were filled with tears during this movie. Afterwards, we drove home - I was speechless, shaken to my very core. There was nothing that I could say. I did not turn on the radio. We drove home for 30 minutes in complete and eerie silence. My heart was heavy with sorrow, with sadness, with guilt, with contrition...yet, with a profound and inexplicable sense of gratitude and hope.

I do not have words to describe the film. There are no words that I can think of to do justice to the film. I suspect that each person will see and experience it differently depending on one's own spiritual growth and formation. All I can do is relate what I felt and even that I find difficult.

I saw nothing which could be construed as anti-semitic. I do, however, have a new found disgust for Caiaphas and the high priests for the manipulation and lying with which they engaged Pilate to further their cause to have Jesus put to death. And this disgust translates into a disgust I have for myself - for upon deeper reflection, I know that in my life I have acted like Caiaphas!

I felt a sense of sadness and sorrow for Pilate, as he was forced into a position from which he could do nothing except wash his hands of the whole affair. A consummate politician! Would I have done the same had I been in Pilate's sandals? Unfortunately, who among us has not done what Pilate has done - who among us has not denied the Truth when He (the Way, the Truth, and the Life) was standing before us. Surely I, too, have denied Him to His Face just as Peter and others. Surely also, I have many times in my life rejected Him so that I could take easy way out and abandon the crosses He wished to share with me.

I must also admit that I have been remiss in contemplating the Passion of Christ properly. I have become accustomed to the sanitized version of the Passion which is prevalent in many parts of the Church today. I have always known that he suffered and died for us - yet, I never quite visualized the scourging and crucifixion for what it truly was - an horrific and grotesque display of man's inhumanity to man and in this case, the worst crime of all - deicide. Christ's perfect sacrifice to atone for all of our sins against God. All of this agony and suffering for love of mankind, His disobedient and ungrateful creatures.

These things were brought to light for me as I watched Christ's agony and passion - as I watched His Mother's pain and anguish...He was sent here to atone for our transgressions - to be the Perfect Sacrifice! How utterly shameful I felt both during and after the movie- my heart heavy with sorrow - for being part of the mob crying out "Crucify Him!" at various stages in my life. Lord, have mercy on us!

My reciting of the Stations of the Cross will be different from now on. My eyes well up with tears when I merely think about it. My daily Rosary and contemplating the mysteries has a new dimension. My daily Act of Contrition has a 'real' meaning and purpose - for I understand what my sins did to Jesus. I now have a deeper, more profound understanding of the Sacrifice of the Holy Mass - and a deeper comprehension and appreciation of our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament - of all He has done for us to bring us closer to Him.

As I said, this movie will effect people differently. Some may acquire a new understanding of Christ's redemptive sacrifice. Yet some may experience nothing profound, and for these we must pray for our Lord to open their hearts to His infinite Love. Lamb of God, Who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us!

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O my God, I am heartily sorry and beg pardon for all of my sins NOT SO MUCH because these sins bring suffering and Hell to me, but because they have crucified my loving Saviour Jesus Christ and have offended Thy Infinite Goodness. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen.