Liturgical Dysfunction Disorder

Does your parish have any of these Liturgical Dysfunction Disorders?

Our parish has several - here are a couple of the afflictions:

Levitating Hand Magnetism Syndrome
This seems to be a very common syndrome that infected the populace sometime in the 60s or 70s. People who have LHMS will display the following symptoms. During the Our Father their hands will start to levitate up in the air and then magnetically attach themselves to the hands of someone else with LHSM)

Chant Deafness (CD)
This is similar to tone deafness. With Chant Deafness the person not only can't hear the beauty of chant, but even worse, believes that many hymns found in modern hymnals are beautiful. Those who are tone deaf normally can't find a job as a choir director. Those that are Chant deaf actually for some unknown reason appear to be predominantly chosen as choir directors. While we should have empathy for those afflicted with such a horrible syndrome - I think equal opportunity for this problems goes to far.

I think I'll send this to our "Liturgy Committee". They're sure to appreciate this observation. Why, they might even begin to seek a "cure"...

Thanks to "The Curt Jester" for his wonderful insights!