Eucharistic Whisperings - After Having Sinned

I have scarcely courage enough to appear before You, I am so sadly
disfigured! My poor soul is all stained - what a plight for me to be
in!

But, O my Savior, it is just because I feel how great is my misery,
just because I see how much I am at fault, that I am urged on more
mightily still by the sweet necessity of being in Your presence.
Death, more than anything else, teaches me how necessary life really
is. And You are my life, O loving Jesus!

Yes, I have sinned; I have proven myself a thankless creature. So
many times and so often have You filled my soul with rapture in Holy
Communion...And I?...I went away and tried to satisfy my hunger with
miserable husks, with poisonous fruits.

After the pure and holy joys of the Supper Chamber, I gave thanks by
preparing for You the pains of Golgotha! You enclosed me so lovingly
in Your arms....And I?...I gave You the kiss of Judas.

And yet...despite my sins, I feel the need of coming here to You, of
drawing near the tabernacle, the witness of so many promises, so many
sweet vows of truest love, to You, for, after all, I cannot but feel
that I still love You.

I am indeed burdened with guilt, but from now on, help me to be all
Yours, my Jesus.

Two things are made manifest to me here: one is Your perfection,
Divine Savior; the other is my unworthiness. What a contrast! But,
at the same time, what light for my understanding! And when I
compare my heart with Yours - a twofold world; one of divine
beauties, and another of human imperfections.

I simply must cast a glance at opposites such as these, if I wish to
know better the Love I have so sorely injured, if I wish to realize
the enormity of the sins I have committed.

Therefore, my Jesus, let me stay a little while with You here; here
before You in the tabernacle, let me learn the sad state of my soul,
hideously wounded by the ugliness of sin.

Adapted from Eucharistic Whisperings, Winfrid Herbst,SDS, The
Society of the Divine Saviour, 1929