You seem to be a little upset at not being able to feel more that you really love Our Lord. The mere longing desire to do so is a certain proof that love, and much of it, exists in your heart.
But you can test your love infallibly and find out how much you have by asking yourself this question: What am I willing to suffer for Him?
It is the test of St. Francis de Sales:
'Willingness to suffer is a certain proof of love.'This question I will al1swer for you. Though naturally you dread and shrink from pain and humiliation, I am certain that there is no humiliation or suffering which you would refuse to accept if God asked you to bear it. That being so, you can say to Our Lord with all the confidence of Peter who seemed to doubt his own heart:
Lord, Thou knowest that I love Thee with all my heart and soul and strength, for I would gladly lay down my life for Thee.-W. Doyle, S.J.
From Principles and Practices
Compiled by Rev. J. Hogan of The Catholic Missionary Society
Published by Burns Oates & Washbourne Ltd., Publishers To The Holy See
Nihil Obstat; Eduardus J. Mahoney, S.T.D. Censor deputatus.
Imprimatur; Edm. Can. Surmont, Vicarius generalis.
First printed in 1930