Why did 'obey' get dropped from the marriage vows?

This week in the "Dear Father" section of the St. Louis Review, Fr Morris provides the answer to the question.

How has the language used for the vows in the Rite of Marriage changed since Vatican II?

Like all the rituals since Vatican II, the Rite of Marriage has undergone linguistic and structural changes. Of course, none of these changes has altered the central rite of the Sacrament of Marriage, which is the exchange of consent between two baptized Christians, one male, the other female.

The Church considers the exchange of consent by the couple "to be the indispensable element that makes the marriage." The exchange of consent is commonly referred to as the marriage vows.

The current ritual for the celebration of the Rite of Marriage in both the English translation and the Latin "editio typica" does not use the word "obey" in the consent of the couple. Unfortunately, in modern society, the idea of obedience implies subjugation and submissiveness, which are not operative concepts in marriage.

Mutual obedience is implicit in married life; but the use of that particular word may overshadow the fullest understanding of this great sacrament. Wives and husbands are both required by the re-ciprocal dynamics of marriage to be obedient to each other as they both strive (individually and together) for obedience to the life of Christ and receptivity to the grace he has bestowed upon them in the sacrament of marriage.

Consequently, when the couple exchange their consent they willingly and freely commit themselves to each other as faithful servants, in times of prosperity and adversity, in times of good health and sickness.

Further, they promise to love and honor each other for the rest of their lives. Present in this exchange is obedience, but we encounter a much more expansive and fruitful understanding of obedience that moves beyond merely fulfilling a contractual obligation to a relationship that involves every aspect of their being, a true partnership and covenant for the whole of life.

The current ritual reflects this rich and deep theology of marriage through the structure and the language of the rite without allowing itself to be burdened with the misunderstandings that might be created by the use of one particular word.

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Father Morris is episcopal vicar of the Office of the Permanent Diaconate, director of the St. Maximilian Kolbe House of Discernment and an adjunct professor at Kenrick Glennon Seminary.

Send questions on matters of faith to be answered by priests of the St. Louis Archdiocese to Dear Father, c/o St. Louis Review, 20 Archbishop May Drive, St. Louis, MO 63119, or fax to (314) 792-7534, or e-mail to slreview@stlouisreview.com.

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