"Prayer is my palace," she used to say. "I find there Him whom I love, or not finding Him there, that's where I seek Him, what does it matter? I come faithfully to the tryst knowing well that if my Well Beloved conceals Himself to try me, it is to make Himself more eagerly sought, more desired. Sometimes I remain alone for a long time in the darkness, but there burns always in the depths of my heart, the little night lamp of faith, of confidence, of love."I am enrolled under the same standard. Is my fidelity as generous? Yes, when I go back to this "little palace of my soul" or, as St. Theresa used to say, "this magnificent palace worthy of the great monarch who dwells there," I do not always find Him whom I came to seek. Without doubt, I know that He is there, but it is for me as if He were not there - no relish; no consolation; complete dryness; indefinite hope that nothing comes to fulfill.
I will take care never to let the little watchlight of faith, of confidence, of love, be extinguished. I feel nothing, but He is there; I believe. He does not allow me to touch Him but He is there; I trust Him. He does not tell me that He loves me and He seems to ignore me. But I know Him. I love Him. He hides in vain, for that only makes me love Him more; intensifies my desire; increases my thirst for the divine.
"O my God, from the moment that You drew me after You, happiness was mine; I am willing not to find You, only let me seek You, and in the measure that my search is prolonged increase my love for You. One day I will find You forever. Till then to tend towards You suffices. Take hold of my outstretched arms. I do not ask You to clasp me in Your embrace, I don't deserve it, but do not discourage my daring, and my poor perseverance. Give only what You wish, O Jesus, and as much as You wish, no more. This will be always sufficient for me. I abandon all to You."_________________
Adapted from Meditations for Religious
by Father Raoul Plus, S.J. (© 1939, Frederick Pustet Co.)
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